Mayuri's Seahorses
by Hardcore Personal Groove Crew
Summary: When an expecting Nanao and Shunsui happen across one of Mayuri's experiments, they suddenly realize the pregnancy is going to be a lot more than they bargained for. MPREG PARODY. Contains: crack, lime, mpreg, slight AU.


Neither I nor Kara own Bleach or any of its affiliates or related indicia.  
>THIS IS AN MPREG PARODY!<br>Warnings: Crack, mpreg, lime, slight AU

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><p>Nanao awoke to gently falling snowflakes outside the window. She shivered, and felt arms hold her tighter. She sighed, smiling widely.<p>

The fukutaichou felt a warm breath on her neck and shivered again, but not from the cold. She heard his familiar, warm chuckle, and reached up to touch his face. She still couldn't believe that she could be so happy. It had already been two weeks since she had finally given in to Shunsui's courting and agreed to share his bed, but she still couldn't get over how warm he was. It was like something from the romance novels she would publicly scorn, but secretly loved. She still didn't know how she felt about it, but she wasn't exactly complaining. It had been a long time since she had felt this genuinely happy, and she wondered why she realized before how much she loved Shunsui. Well, she supposed she _did_ know she loved him this much, but she didn't know how in the seven hells she lived so long without him like this.

But alas, she couldn't stay here forever, as much as she would like to; the clock next to the bed read almost eight-thirty, and she had barely half an hour before she was officially late. It wasn't as if the entire Seireitei didn't know about her relationship with Shunsui, but she needed to set an example. What would happen if every girl in Squad Eight started showing up late just to spend a few more minutes with their lovers? All would fall to chaos. And if there was one thing Nanao hated, it was chaos. So she pulled her sorry ass out of bed. Or, she tried to. But her lazy captain would not let her go.

"Nanao... just one more minute." His husky morning voice almost coerced her into staying, but she knew that she had to be responsible, whether she wanted to or not.

"Tai-" she felt him flinch. He hated that she still called him Taichou. He told her that it made him feel like a dirty old man, to which her reply was, 'you are.' He _still _hadn't thought of a good comeback. "Shunsui, I need to get ready. Unlike you, I can get myself out of bed before three in the afternoon. I don't care if you remain as you are, but I need to get into the office to do some work." He only hugged her tighter, licking the inside of her ear.

She refused to be turned on. She had to go to work- he was not going to seduce her. Someone needed to be the adult.

"Nanao-chan, staying in bed after you left would be like... like... I don't know but it would be awful!"

"Perhaps you might consider _actually getting out of bed_, then. After that, you could put your proper uniform on, if you need suggestions."

"Nanao, I was about to do just that. What's the point of being in bed if you aren't in there with me?" He hugged her from behind. "As for wearing a proper uniform... I will when you don't."

She smacked him on the arm. "Well then I guess I won't be holding my breath." Pulling on her shihakushou, she smiled to herself when she heard his disappointed sigh. He was going to love the day she got used to this power she had over him.

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><p>The secretaries stared in disbelief. This was the second week in a row that their captain had shown up on time, sober, and properly dressed to boot.<p>

What in the world had their fukutaichou done to him? Threatened castration? They couldn't think of any other explanation. Or maybe she was just rewarding him with sex?

They supposed it didn't matter either way. But they were a little disappointed- their captain looked very, _very_ attractive in pink.

Nanao saw the looks the girls gave both her and the captain. She had gotten used to them over the course of two weeks, but it would never stop surprising her when shinigami she barely knew found her during her lunch break and asked what she had done with Shunsui. Even if she told them the truth, they wouldn't believe her, but she was Lieutenant Nanao Ise. No one knew how she did anything.

So she passed them without a second glance and went into the office, with Shunsui closing the door behind them. "Nanao-chan, how much work do we have to get done before we can take a break?"

Now that Shunsui realized that two pairs of hands worked faster than one, he'd been helping out so that she'd have more time to spend with him. If she had only done this years ago, she thought to herself. And she really didn't mind spending half the time she normally would on paperwork, because the other half of her work day was spent with the door locked, doing nefarious things.

"Let's finish... hmm... these three piles here. If we work diligently, we should have them finished with a good hour to spare before the lunch break..." she let her sentence trail off suggestively. Shunsui grinned, and leaned in for a kiss. But Nanao picked up a pile for him to do and shoved it in his face before he could close the gap. Ten days ago, he would have complained, but he knew now that he would get absolutely no affection until the work was done.

So he got to work.

And hour passed; he only had about three more forms to fill out. This was promising- that is, until a certain blonde lieutenant came to visit.

"Kyouraku-taichou, are we still going drinking tonight? I've got Renji, Shuuhei, and a bunch of other people to come with us!" Nanao knew better than to get jealous over things like this... it was just Rangiku's personality. And it wasn't like her to get jealous anyway, so she wouldn't be joining them, no matter how much Shunsui asked her to. Bad things happened when she drank, so she steered clear of that stuff. Especially where Shunsui was concerned. She didn't want to do anything stupid, because he would never let her forget it. The one time she ever went out with him and his friends, a drunk Renji coaxed her into doing shots with him, and the next thing she knew, she was in someone else's shower, wearing a party hat and less clothing than she started with.

That would _never_ happen again. And not just because of the memory lapse, either... she had had to deal with the people who normally respected her laugh at he behind her back for a very, very long time. She had enough patience to hold herself back the last time, but she could not promise anything the second time around. Somebody would probably end up being kidoed into a building, and that just meant more paperwork for her.

"All right, Rangiku-san, I look forward to seeing you tonight! Don't drink the place dry before I get there!"

As she shouted her goodbye, Nanao shook her head free of the awful memories and got back to work. She smiled when she saw her desk empty of paperwork, and that smile grew as she looked at Shunsui filling out the last paper. She walked over to him, and stroked his hair. She pulled out the tie, and let it fall loosely to his back. She heard him sigh, and she ran her hands through the long, dark tresses. He hissed. "Nanao, stop distracting me..." She watched him scribble out a line and rewrite it. She giggled.

"Really? I'm distracting you? What about when I do this?" She pulled his seat out and climbed onto his lap, kissing him fully on the mouth. He moaned and pulled away.

"You hypocrite. I thought there was no kissing until the last of the work was done?"

She smiled seductively at him, tracing his lips with a slender finger. "No, _you're_ not allowed to kiss _me_ until all the work is done. I said nothing about me kissing you." He groaned. "Nanao, when did you learn to be so goddamn sexy?" He dropped his pen and wrapped his arms around her as she kissed him again. He pulled away and trailed down her neck, nipping and sucking. She untied the sash to his shihakushou, letting herself linger on the smooth expanse of his chest. Their lips met once again, and this time she was the one to break away. But she allowed her mouth to explore further than he had ventured on her. Nanao heard him gasp as her teeth grazed his nipple, and it only made her all the more aroused. She nuzzled into his chest, wrapping her arms around him.

And all of a sudden, she stopped, as if she had remembered something. "Shunsui, we shouldn't do this here." It sounded to him as if he wasn't the only one who didn't agree with what the fukutaichou was saying.

So he called her out on it. "Nanao, _you_ distracted _me._ I was trying to get work done and you came and sat on my lap!"

Nanao bit her lip and shrugged. "Well, I just think we should do this later. As in, not where someone could interrupt us."

He pulled her into him, even closer than before. "There's a lock on the door. You know, that _is_ what locks and for. We should take advantage of the technological prowess of Seireitei..."

Nanao looked at him over her glasses. "That's probably the sorriest excuse I've ever heard for random office sex."

He gazed into her eyes, and said, in all seriousness, "It wouldn't be random sex, because I love you and want to show you how I much. What's wrong with that?"

She put her hands up in defense. "Absolutely nothing. I would just rather do it in the privacy of our own home." Nanao had agreed to living with him. She figured she'd be there so much anyway that it didn't really matter. And she wasn't attached to her apartment in any way, so she'd just keep it as storage and such, if their relationship didn't work out. But honestly? Nanao didn't have any doubts. Shunsui made it clear that he wasn't going to let anything come between them. Sure, they had only been together officially for two weeks, but... to Nanao it seemed like forever. The only thing that had really changed was the sex, and the fact that Shunsui was actually working in order to have said sex. They were best friends before, and being this much closer wouldn't change that.

But her thoughts were interrupted by Shunsui's lips on hers, and for a while she just let herself feel him, with her, rather than think of protocol and who could walk in on them. But then her stomach growled.

Shunsui chuckled. "Nanao, I think you need some food." He kissed her chastely, before adding, "Let's go get some noodles!"

The fukutaichou smiled widely, and retied his sash. She took his hand and led him out of the office.

The secretaries still couldn't understand what the fukutaichou had done to their captain. But now that they think about it, he had almost a reverse effect on her.

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><p>[AN] (Becca): Me and Kara were musing on how exactly mpreg actually works, and this is what we came up with. Please enjoy our twisted brainchild. :]

[A/N] (Kara):


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